This was on Will’s playlist when we were on our Moose Hunting trip in 2015 — our first camping trip. I cried then. I still cry. And then I found it today on Will’s phone.

On a sleepy endless ocean when the world lay in a dream
There was rhythm in the splash and roll, but not a voice to sing
So the moon shone on the breakers and the morning warmed the waves
Till a single cell did jump and hum for joy as though to say
This is my home, this is my only home
This is the only sacred ground that I have ever known
And should I stray in th dark night alone
Rock me goddess in the gentle arms of eden
Then the day shone bright and rounder til the one turned into two
And the two into ten thousand things, and old things into new
And on some virgin beach head one lonesome critter crawled
And he looked about and shouted out in his most astonished drawl
This is my home …
Then all the sky was buzzin and the ground was carpet green
And the wary children of the wood went dancin in between
And the people sang rejoicing when the field was glad with grain
This song of celebration from their cities on the plain
This is my home …
Now there’s smoke across the harbor, and there’s factories on the shore
And the world is ill with greed and will and enterprise of war
But I will lay my burden in the cradle of your grace
And the shining beaches of your love and the sea of your embrace
This is my home …

Much like our wedding day when we expected rain and got bright sunny skies, the coast was perfectly lovely on Solstice, June 21. Friends from Eastrose, Pagan friends, dear friends, and daughter Amelia joined for kites, food, stories, and a fabulous beach day. Edith gets a pass since she just started a new day job this week. The wind was sporadic on the ground but if you could get a kite well into the air it would fly!

Frosty was so well behaved! Most of the time he was given a long tie-out. He got in a few walks and certainly got wet and sandy!

Good food, beautiful kites, lovely warm sun, and cool breezes.

A few of us stayed until Sunset, being Solstice and all. I felt surrounded by love and comfort and grace.

Will would have loved the day. Such a wonderful way to celebrate his life and our life together.

The online version is incomplete, so I scanned the paper version. Here it is:

Will died Tuesday, May 23, 2023 — at least that’s when I went to say good morning to him and he wasn’t alive.

Here’s what I wrote to my friends:

I used to joke about Will sleeping through his alarm, and I’d get tired of hearing the alarm and go to check to see if he was breathing. It was a running joke, for all of our time together. Well… Today when his alarm continued to ring, he was not breathing. Will died in his sleep overnight. I’m just shaking my head that he got to die the way he wanted to!! He’s been unwell most of the spring, and the winter wasn’t too good, either. While I am saddened that I am without his company, I am glad that he did not suffer, did not have prolonged illness, and was able to be home at the end.

Because 2022 was a challenge, multiple challenges actually. I wish I could be this person:

It should be this easy to paint the sun into the sky. 

I finished this sweater after over 1 year of knitting. It was a knit-along with video lessons or I never would have tried it.That was January.

February and March were focused on getting ready to travel to Arizona to see brother Steve and Mary in Green Valley. It was a tremendous trip — three weeks long, with the trailer and the two dogs. Totally fantastic to see landscapes that are red, instead of the Columbia River Basalt I’ve seen all my life.

Zion, Snow Canyon, Canyon de Chelly (with an amazing guide), the Trojan Missile museum, Arco Santi, Tubac with lots of Mexican art, Saguaro National Park and the Desert Museum. Let’s not forget the rock shop in LaVerkin Utah where I found this delicious little intarsia box.The  Mt Hood Rock Club voted it the Silver Pick purchase of the year. 

Steve and Mary  took good care of us — even re-working the front porch so that Frosty and Nikki could have a safe, shady place to hang out. Mary has made so many art touches to the house, yard, and furniture. She is amazing talented. Steve was happy showing us all the improvements he’s done (styrofoam and mortar grilling station outside!) He also has a local woodworking shop where he can play.

Got home and got ready to get the new cyclone fencing installed replacing all the wood fence around my lot. Install started the end of May. 

And June 1, things started to go south in a big way.

June 1 we got the phone call that Ralph and Sally’s son Stuart had taken his own life. It was a huge shock, totally unexpected, and brutally sorrowful. 

In the meantime, Ralph was struggling with outrageous shoulder pain, and lost the use of his right hand by Memorial Day. Unable to sleep for the pain, and not knowing if a fall in the kitchen had started a major injury, Sally and Ralph kept getting him checked out. Finally, just after 4th of July, someone X-rayed his neck and saw a hole in his vertebrae. It was a heroic struggle to find a hospital bed for him as close as Pendleton. I met Sally and Carrie in Pendleton just as Ralph was diagnosed with a fast moving bone cancer. Ralph chose not to treat it, knowing that he would not live very much longer. That was the weekend of July 10th. Ralph died in Hermiston July 15. 

The only thing I could do was go to Pendleton and be with the program, wherever that would lead. Whitehorse Casino has a lovely RV Park. Then to an RV park in Hermiston. I booked three days but Ralph only lasted one. Then back to Heppner to stay at the lake. Every night I would put out snacks, drinks, food, and make room for Sally and Carrie to just hang out. And I listened, a lot. Summer had encountered a major black hole.

Two weeks later, a memorial service for Stu was held at the Western Forestry Center. 

The whole experience reverberates through everything in my life. There are tokens of Ralph and Sally all over my house. All of his rockhounding stash is in our barn. Sally is alone. Carrie is spinning, and Stu’s wife Molly is suffering. 

A potluck was held in Ralph’s honor, and I was thrilled to see Edith and Amelia come in with a mountain of a cheese and cracker tray for the guests. He was their surrogate Dad, too.  

It is amazing to think that I knew Ralph and Sally longer than I knew my own Dad, who died in 1978 aged 57. I swear the grief just piles up. A new event, no matter how small (like a lost set of keys) can bring all the sorrow crashing down, again and again. 

Just returned from visiting brother Steve in Green Valley, Arizona. Will and I and the two dogs drove there and back, taking our new travel trailer (Coleman Rubicon 1608rb) for a spin. Just over 3000 miles round trip. Here are some thoughts about traveling this adventure.

1. It’s one thing to vacation off-the-grid, and quite another to have no cell phone and no internet when you are traveling. RV “resorts” have variable internet access, free or paid. The surprise was how little Verizon coverage we had through Nevada, Arizona, and Utah. Didn’t realize how spoiled we are with our fiber optic infrastructure in Oregon.
2. Dog Parks with cyclone fences are a god send!! Our dear Frosty likes to run! Our last night in Baker City we had a 14-acre “dog park” that was actually a field with irrigation ditches and out buildings. It was a wonderful dog park for a normal dog, but not our Frosty. He ran the full circle of the 14 acres, then disappeared behind some small trees. I next saw him in the neighboring pasture still headed west at full speed. About 1/2 hour later I decided to drive out to see where he was. 3/4 of a mile away, playing with big, black “dogs” with funny looking faces. Black Angus dogs. By the time I got to him he was tired and came when called. He even crawled under a tight barbed wire line that was only about 6 inches off the ground. I’m lucky he wasn’t shot. The Black Angus dogs seemed unfazed. 
3. The geology of the southwest is absorbing and visually stunning. I need to read more about the Colorado Plateau. So strange to see rock formations that are not volcanic. The wide vistas and eroded cliff walls and the washes showing signs of heavy rainfall. Monument Valley with the towers coming straight out of the earth like a severe bar chart. The vertical walls of Canyon del Muerte at Canyon de Chelly. 
4. It was spring, and every landscape looks its best in spring! Blooming Palo Verde trees everywhere, ocotillo branches with fiery red tips, cottonwood and sycamore just breaking bud, and lots of green. 
5. The US is BIG. 
6. We haven’t added up the gas bill yet. It was already bad before we left when the price of gas jumped. Then there were multiple days driving with STRONG head winds. At one point we registered 5.8 miles per gallon.Total miles 3055 or so. Before we left we decided to go for it despite the higher gas costs. We’ll see how that works out.
7. Really enjoyed seeing Steve and Mary and hanging out. Their house is lovely and they’ve performed magic in their yard. Shopping at Tubac was fun and the visit to Madiera Canyon was a treat. Frosty only busted out of the porch gate once, and was returned quickly. Will and Steve connected over woodworking and I think it was a great visit. The Titan Missile museum was a surprisingly informative place. No tickets for the K. Cavern tour, so we went to Tubac and bought our sun sculpture there. The Tucson Desert Museum was fabulous — hummingbird aviary and the underground exhibits. Better bird watching at Steve and Mary’s though. Missed seeing a roadrunner but the cardinals made up for it!!
8. The Saguaros: Such a variety of shapes and sizes and amazing how some survive the most violent trauma — The Saguaro National Park was an extra bonus. It is so easy to humanize them with their arms and bumps and shapes.  
9. March 31 – First night: Cascade Meadows at Lapine, Oregon. 
   April 1 – Second night: Virgin Valley hot spring campground — free boondocking.
   April 2 – Third night: Wells, Nevada RV park — the water supply completely froze, the site was basically an empty lot North of town, no one managing the site and nothing lovely there. Didn’t stay the second night.
   April 3, 4, 5, 6 – Fourth, Fifth, Sixth, and Seventh night: Landed in Hurricane, Utah at a full KOA resort that is part of our Resort Parks International membership. Added a 4th night to the 3 night reservation we already had. Internet was sketchy, site was on a hill with a view of the mountains in the morning that was stunning. Really nice staff who managed the extra day in stride. 
   April 7, 8, 9 – Eighth, Ninth and Tenth night: Page Springs outside of Cottonwood, Arizona. Did a short drive to see Sedona, plus visited ArcoSante. Nice campsite, Laundry, creek running thru the site with an irrigation ditch parallel. Lovely white-trunked trees turned out to be sycamores. 
   April 10-16 – 11 thru 17 nights: Voyager RV park south of Tucson. Bad internet and OK phone. Even paid internet was sketchy. Hot open park with one tree that gave us afternoon shade. Quiet, easy access. Morning trips to the dog run fenced in a wash at the edge of the property. Steve’s house was 1/2 hour away, which turned out to be alright when we ran our errands and got gas, etc. 
   April 17 – 18th night: Free RV boondock site at Crystal Forest Gift Shop and Museum. The Crystal forest folks are closed but the gift shop across the road was fine. Nice to have a cement platform outside the RV to walk on. 
   April 18, 19 – 19-20 night: Cottonwood Campground in Chinle. Toured the Canyon d Muerte with Victoria Begay. Very windy and dusty. Full hookups but no internet or phone to speak of. 
   April 20 – 21st night: Shady Acres RV park in Green River Arizona.
   April 21 – 22nd night: Earp and James Hitchin Post RV park — No caretaker, full hookups, honor pay. Got Rained on so now have MUD on everything!! 
   April 22 – 23rd night: A-Frame RV park in Baker City Oregon. Nice spot with view of the mountains. Sadly, a few too many yard lights in the park after dark. 14-acre dog park, big enough for most “normal” dogs! Sweet reservation sign on our site. 
   April 23: Drove Home!

Here are a few photo albums from 2020 — since I no longer do an annual ‘zine.

Follow this link: 2020 The Steward Chronicles

There is also a pdf of the annual calendar on that page for you to enjoy, print if you like, but don’t sell.

May 2021 be the year we can all move around again, visit again, and stay healthy.

Sue

I know I’m not the only one to notice how the world has changed — so many “once-in-a-lifetime” events and threats in a short, short span of time.

The abject horror of the hypocrisy in Washington DC — what I see as the culmination of efforts throughout my lifetime to corrupt our elections, debase our standards of caring for strangers and our public image, and manipulate our government at all levels of power so that a very few can benefit leaving the rest of our citizens in the dust. 

And then, Covid-19. I am so grateful that Will and I are together in this time of social distancing. At the beginning we remarked almost daily about the way I kept our social calendar filled — a conscious effort to help me fight depression. Without those gatherings with friends, I have really struggled. 

Eastrose has its own share of drama to keep me occupied and while it is not always healthy drama, I believe it will come to healthy resolutions in the next few months. I did spend some time doodling in a $29 graphics software program. Works like photoshop and illustrator combined. Pretty good software for the new Mac Mini Will gave me for Christmas.

We have a new motto for our marriage: Will married me for HIS money. Just last fall he was notified of another retirement savings plan he wasn’t aware he had. He’s like a new man!

Just yesterday we settled our travel plans for the summer, at least thru July. The new barn is not yet functioning but will be soon. The wood shed is moved and the roof is returned to it. The two zuchinni are about to bury us with fruit!! 

After Grandma Gus died last year, Amelia has taken a time out from family. We see Edith and her Tim (Crashims) pretty often. Edith is finishing the Funeral Director program and working at a cemetery/mortuary finishing her apprenticeship. 

I’m going to try to add some photos to this blog, since I never seem to get around to a newsletter anymore. Here goes!

[Show slideshow]

Who knew that all the rock-hounding with will would lead to learning to facet gemstones and taking a metalsmithing and jewelry class? It is leading me in entirely new directions. It works with going to the Baltic last fall, and all of my other travels with cultural learning, and triggers a part of my brain that has been mostly creatively cooking! 

Will is Healthy — that changes things up, as well. We’ve spent the summer rehabilitating 2 of his Kayaks and he’s starting construction on a third. We’re talking about adding a studio shed to the property to do the rock, stone, wire, and jewelry work. 

Our dog Nikki is a complete joy and has developed quite a personality since the vet recommended thyroid supplementation for her. Wow, she talks! 

As fall begins I am beginning to develop the annual photo calendar, and still struggling to find places to put things away in the considerably small house!!